A moment

• To sit and drink my tea which I hope will calm my upset belly
• To hear my baby breathing in his sleep
• To be amazed that almost 4 months has gone by since Finn was born
• To contemplate the fact Finn can and has slept through the night
• To wonder if it will happen again tonight
• To yawn and think that I'll most likely be up a couple of times tonight
• To be sad that my maternity leave is over and I've gone back to work
• To accept that my babe is in daycare
• To be strong and know that he's being well taken care of
• To notice Finn already seems more curious of his expanding world
• To be grateful Darren is an awesome Dad
• To be thankful Finn is such a sweet boy
• To look forward to the fun times ahead

Productive

It's probably a good thing Buddha Baby hasn't arrived yet, because I feel so much more ready as of this weekend.

Friday was my last day of work--I had a couple weeks to train my new coworker (replacing my old coworker who left at the end of February and will be my coverage during my maternity leave).  Feels so odd to know that I'm out of there for 4 months.  I know I'll be working my butt off during that time, but I've never had that much time 'off' before--there's always been work or school or a combination of the two.

Darren finished rewiring the upstairs of our house!  I think he officially finished Tuesday or Wednesday of last week.  He absolutely rocks--has basically been working 2 jobs since the project started just about 2 months ago with some help from his dad some weekends.  Darren is not an electrician but has been studying up on the subject since we moved in as it was something he was really hoping to accomplish on his own (versus paying someone else up to 10K to do the job).  Our house was basically 85% knob & tube wiring.  All the upstairs has now been upgraded and when you live in a 1940's house this is huge.  We have access to 6 outlets in the kitchen now--we used to have access to 1 (move aside the dirty dishes to plug in the coffee maker, then move that aside if you want toast, or if you want to use the blender, or food processor...).  An outlet for our built-in dishwasher is in (yet to be installed).  We used to have an ungrounded outlet in our bathroom, right above our sink--um, that's a big no no.  A new light for our deck.  Recessed light in the closet that turns on with a switch instead of a bare bulb and pull string.  Additional outlets in the bedrooms...  In addition to wanting to be able to add insulation to our attic, we have been wanting to upgrade our kitchen.  Once we have our wiring inspected, we'll be at a point where we can focus on swapping out our current stove and rollaway dishwasher for a convection stove, gas cook-top (we had someone come in to take care of extending our gas line), and built-in dishwasher.  We've got a nice looking stand alone unit from Ikea which will hold our new stove and cook-top.  We'll put in new counters to replace our ratty linoleum counters we've put up with.  And we'll put in a new sink and faucet.  Fun stuff!

With the upstairs rewiring finished, Darren thought we should use this weekend to babify our house.  Great idea!  We were able to store some of our extra furniture at D's parent's house which made room for more storage in the basement and garage which meant we could clear out the extra boxes we had in the nursery.  The crib is now up and the space certainly looks more like a nursery/office instead of just an office/storage-of-a-lot-of-crap room.  I use the word 'we', but really it was Darren and his parents who dealt with all the moving of furniture and boxes.  I went to my yoga class as usual and spent a lot of time with my feet up on the glider.  Okay, I did fold a lot of baby clothes since a ton of baby clothes loads were done over the last few days since I finally purchased storage bins to organize the larger clothing we've been handed down and gifted.

The carseat is in the car too!  39 weeks 6 days is a good time to check that off the list, right?  It's a good thing Buddha Baby didn't come early with everything that has just recently been accomplished.  Is this how it goes for most expectant parents?  I see pictures of these 'perfect' nurseries on-line and wonder if these parents have that much more time/money than us or was it just a bigger priority (most likely a bigger house as well)?  I mean, our kiddo won't even be sleeping in his crib for a while as we'll be co-sleeping.  He won't care if the walls are red/tan for a while longer instead of yellow.  Or that we have a few extra piles of paperwork on the desk instead of nicely organized on wall shelving that hasn't been purchased yet.  Will he? 

So, now that my maternity leave has started, will I get to enjoy it at all?  I have my 40 week visit tomorrow with the midwives.  Wonder if they'll be able to tell me if I'm any closer to actual labor.  I have a list of useful and/or fun things to do during maternity leave:  take care of officially changing my last name (it's only been 6 months since we got married), get the car seat checked out, get my brows done, go swimming, read up on patching drywall holes (oh wait, that was another thing that Darren and his Dad worked on this weekend so I can check that off my list), nap...

3rd Trimester

I am 38 weeks along today!  Most women deliver between 38-42 weeks and Buddha Baby probably would have been just fine even if he had decided to make an appearance in the last couple of weeks, but at this point it's just a waiting game.  I hear this gets harder as you approach and pass the due date.  Most women deliver past their due date for their 1st child, but I hope I'm not like most women!

• For the most part I'm feeling great.  I've had a few really low days where I'm feeling huge, tired, hormonal, stressed..., but for the most part can't complain too much.
• Have some swelling in my ankles and fingers.  A reminder to sit down with my feet up more often.
• Heartburn continues.  Eating too much before bed seems to be the main culprit.
• Seem to crave sweets more than usual.  For a while it was chocolate ice cream every night.  My office mates have bowls of candy around--things I normally wouldn't snack on during the day.  Dangerous.
• Kinked neck/shoulder.  Not sure if it's how I'm sleeping, my posture, the weight of my hair (super thick!) or the combination of it all, but have been dealing with the pain for the last 4-5 days.  A heated rice bag helps.  The midwife suggested a cold compress, will try that tonight.
• Frustration that I can't do as much as I'd like to around the home.  Part of this is my own limitations, can't lift/move all the boxes or furniture around that I'd like to.  Part of this is the fact our re-wire project continues. 
• The pressure on the bladder continues!  There are some days, where it seems I need to hit the restroom once an hour.  Waking up on average twice a night.  And ow, when buddha baby moves just right, it's like a punch in the bladder.  Not comfortable!
• Getting more clumsy.  Still not used to my huge belly and I bump into things that I think I can pass no problem (chairs, tables, Daren...).  I also drop or knock things over a lot.
  

Growing...and then some

I went in to get a professional fit for nursing bras.  2 firsts for me as I've never been officially measured by a 'bra fitting expert' and I've never needed to purchase nursing bras before.  I have purchased a few maternity and sleep bras in the past couple of months, but as I've heard it's worth it to spend money on nursing bras, I wanted to make sure things were going to be a good fit.  Word of caution, nursing bras can be very expensive!  I walked out of Nordstroms with 2 nursing bras and $140 charged on my credit card.  $140 on 2 bras!!  Most popular styles, but really?!   Will be performing a little experiment to see how similar styles of a $16.99 Gilligan & O'Malley bra from Target and the $58 Elle Macpherson nursing bra from Nordstroms compare.

Of course I expected to get a bigger rack during pregnancy, but ahem, wow.  And I'll get larger after Buddha Baby arrives?  Yowza.  I never thought I'd be seeing the letters DD or E on my delicates before.

One brand I've been told to check out is Bravado--I guess Village Maternity at U-Village carry this brand and it only costs around $50.  As I'm all about comfort, would prefer to avoid underwire, I may need to check out nursing camis, but I guess it will depend on how supportive they are.  Lots of great nursing bra comments and tips on this offbeatmama post.

Heartburn & hiccups

70 more days to go according to my weekly Babycenter.com e-mail.  I'm now 30 weeks along and Buddha baby is about as heavy as a head of cabbage, ~3 lbs, and ~15.7 inches long.  I can certainly tell he's getting bigger. Other than the growing baby bump, his movements are much larger and pronounced now.  If only I could tell what was what.  There's usually a hard bump on the upper left part of my belly, maybe his bum?  And I'll be able to tell when he's moving a knee or an elbow around because it's a 'sharp' little knobby bump.  When he's super active, it's fun to just sit there and stare at the action going on in my belly.  Have felt Buddha baby with the hiccups twice over the last week or so, very normal in fetal devlopment

I have started feeling Braxton Hicks contractions.  They're not painful, but do cause the whole uterus to contract.  Mostly random though there are times when I get them quite frequently (probably when I'm too active or stressed?).

Something I'm now dealing with more often now, is heartburn.  :(  About a month or so ago, would get the rare attack, now it's happening much more often and is really uncomfortable.  Yay hormones and a crowded abdominal area.

Can't believe there's only 10 more weeks to go!  Not feeling particularly nervous about the delivery.  Not a fan of pain in general, but I'm reading all I can about pain management techniques and look forward to covering those in the birthing classes which start at the end of the month.  I do worry about the length of labor in general and getting to that point of exhaustion.  Have been reminded I've run a half and full marathon.  Instead of the mantra 'keep on running, keep on running' as I did during that training, I'll just use 'keep on breathing, keep on breathing' or something along those lines.  And at least I'll have my lovely D with me along for support.

Have plenty to do on the home front.  Darren is starting the house rewiring project today.  Hope to be finished with the rewire and our mini kitchen remodel in 2 months.  Keeping my fingers crossed we/he doesn't run into too many snags.  Those that have done any major projects on their house can laugh now.  :)  Somewhere in there, the nursery will be painted Dusty Yellow (no-VOC!), the crib will be put together,  shelving will be added to the wall, I'll have decided on a cloth diaper system, I'll finalize my maternity leave, daycare will be figured out for November...

Nesting

Haven't had a lot of nesting instincts yet, which I think makes D a bit disappointed (was probably hoping I'd start to pull more weight around the house with the cleaning and purging of stuff).  I have lists going of things I want to do, but can't seem to muster up the energy most of the time.  Last Sunday, I was up early, don't think it was even 7 AM yet.  Let the dog out, got myself some water, then noticed the kitchen windows were dirty.  Pulled out the windex and cleaned the windows above the kitchen sink.  I even had to pull out a stool to clean the top pane.  If only the rest of my day had been as productive as those first few early morning minutes.

Baby brain

I've heard women can become forgetful during pregnancy (afterwards as well?).  Not sure if I can blame it on the baby, but the other day at the end of brunch it was time to pay the bill.  I look through my purse and can't find my wallet, check my jacket pocket, check my purse again.  Mention to D, that he may have to pay for us, when I notice that my wallet is open right in front of me on the table--I had already pulled it out of my purse and just needed to grab my credit card.  A few days later, we're heading out to the car, I'm looking for my keys in my purse, then in my pocket, ummmm yeah, my keys are in my hand.  Maybe I'll just blame these instances on a full belly and lack of sleep, respectively.

Release

I tried a new prenatal yoga video this morning.  A bit out of date--some of the women were wearing these funky full bodied leotards (sexy!).  A bit new agey--the instructor was wearing a turban (side note, I'm pretty sure we camped next to her at a music festival a number of years ago--they had parked their euro van over some ground nesting bees who didn't bother them the whole weekend).  It was a bit more active than other prenatal yoga videos I've tried or the class I attend now and then which isn't too bad except I was doing this in the morning before work and before breakfast.  In one part of the video while standing, you start moving your hips from side to side and then basically just let go and dance, swinging your arms or whatever feels good.  Not sure what was going on, but it was a huge release and I started crying.  Though I felt super weird just crying in my living room, it felt really good to let it all out.  A reminder to keep it loose and let go more often!

Sacred Vessel

A friend was telling D the other day how I'm a sacred vessel.  He was a bit confused at first.  :)  It's really weird when I think about my body being used to create another human, part D, part me.  I remember a friend of a friend telling me she did not enjoy being pregnant, that it just felt way too alien to have this being inside of her.  But I think it's quite amazing that such a complex individual will be the outcome of what started as a ball of cells!  All I can really picture right now is the silhouette version of Baby Buddha from ultrasound pics.  Likely will have dark hair and brown eyes (dominant traits though there is blond hair/blue eyes in my extended fam).  I picture gangly arms and legs and super skinny now though according to the weekly update I receive, he's starting to gain more weight.

Getting a lot more comments at work of how I've suddenly popped.  It's true, I am much bigger these days and I'm feeling it.  And I still have 3-4 months to go!

My biggest complain is regarding sleep, or lack thereof.  I've been having bouts of insomnia, usually around 4 AM.  Most of the time I'm able to get back to sleep, but some nights I toss and turn until my alarm goes off.  Could I be overheated?  Is 5 hrs all my body needs right now?  Is this preparation of learning to get by on less sleep?  Could be my body has just had enough of sleeping on my left side.  Sleeping on your back or right side with a growing uterus can lead to compression of the inferior vena cava.  And just shifting positions with a huge belly is uncomfortable and will wake me up.

I know I'm bound to become more uncomfortable as I get bigger and the weather warms up.  I really try to keep my complaining to a minimum but lack of sleep and caffeine makes me a grumpy girl at times.  Next time I'm awake at 4 in the morning, I'll just have to get up and do something productive.  Anyone have any easy baby knitting projects?

Appreciating...

...being able to sleep in.  I enjoy my sleep and being able to laze about the house on weekend (or holiday) mornings.  Not getting as much sleep as I'd like is one of those selfish reasons I didn't want to have kids.

...my health.  Recovered from a nasty cold a month ago.  I don't remember a cold hitting me quite so hard.  Exhausted, sinus pressure, lots of congestion, bad cough, not able to sleep.  Being preggers meant I couldn't take my usual Alka Seltzer cold medicine which would have taken care of some of my symptoms and helped me sleep.  I got by on a dose of tylenol and sudafed here and there.  Thankful I didn't get Darren sick!

...Netflix.  I went through about a season and a half of Dexter while sick.  Probably a good thing there aren't any more seasons available on instant view.

2nd Trimester

• I've been able to borrow maternity clothing from my sis-in-law who is the same size as me and has great sense of style.  Maternity style has come a long way.  I swear I'm dressing more stylish while pregnant than I normally do.  Maybe this just means I need to work on my regular wardrobe once I can fit back into it.
• We're starting to accumulate baby stuff from friends who have had boys and aren't planning on future kiddos.  This has been awesome.  Also nice to be able to find out which things are necessary vs. what stuff we can hold off acquiring until we know we have more space and/or money.  We receive a used carseat (and yes, I do know there are now expiration dates on these things--I wonder if this is really for the infant's sake or the company's profits).
• We find out we’re having a boy!  Really cool to see him so active during ultrasounds.  Pretty weird that I can’t feel any of that movement yet.
• Around week 18, I realize I can feel him move around.  Felt like gas bubbles in the beginning, but eventually I realize, that’s my son in there!  Love this peculiar feeling.  He gets particularly active after I eat (especially something sweet) or when I 1^st lay down in bed.
• I drop in on some prenatal yoga classes.
• Haven't been having specific cravings except for caffeine which I've done a pretty good job of avoiding.  I used to be a big tea drinker and have found that non-caffeinated tea just doesn't cut it.  I do seem to be craving sweets after lunch & dinner.  Chocolate or ice cream seem to hit the spot when I do indulge.
• My belly button is slowly turning into an outie.  It's true what they say about the inside of a belly button feeling very soft.
• Have been working on turning our 2nd bedroom which was an office/storage space (crafty stuff, music equipment, old letter, photo albums, random junk...) into an office/nursery.  This means going through everything to decide what we really need to keep and what can be given away.  A desk and an empty dresser will stay.  Eventually add some wall shelving for office storage.  A bookshelf will stay for kids books & toys.  A TV armoire will move into the basement for storage.  A crib (currently in pieces) will be moving in.  Eventually will also have to tackle the closet which also was a collection space of shtuff.

1st Trimester

• Found out I was preggers at 6 weeks.  Initial reaction was a bit of freaking out and feeling overwhelmed.  I’ve always wanted kids, but never felt ready—but I tend to overanalyze decisions worrying about all the negative outcomes instead of focusing on the big picture.  Also, I’ve spent 35 years not being pregnant, and now all of a sudden, + sign.
• When I went in to the doctor’s office to confirm I was pregnant, I peed in a cup.  The lab tech called my number, proceeds to tell me the results were negative (ahh, that’s rather disappoin…)... I mean positive (umm, is it negative or positive???)... yes, positive.  Hands me the ‘you’re pregnant’ piece of paper that I’m supposed to give to my nurse.  Feeling super confident about this lab (I switch clinics).
• Morning sickness seemed to start as soon as I found out I was preggers.  Actually, I wouldn’t call what I had morning sickness, but general malaise and nausea.  Had a queasy stomach in the morning or late afternoon when feeling tired.  I didn’t have much of an appetite and lots of food or drink just didn’t sound or taste very good.  I didn’t want to be in the kitchen so D did a lot of the cooking and cleaning.
• I feel like I’m showing, but I’m not yet, that’s just belly fat.  :)
• I find out I have a large ovarian cyst.  Cysts are normal during regular ovulation and menstruation, but this cyst is large (~3 x 4.5 inches)) so we’ll have to keep an eye on it.
• We tell family and a few close friends about the news, but hold off telling most people because miscarriages are somewhat common in the 1st trimester.

Mrs

I got married about a week ago.  Strange that something it seems like I've been thinking about forever (not since I was a little girl forever, but longer than 2.5 years since Darren and I have been together for 10+ years) has finally happened.  Darren and I got engaged 2.5 years ago but the planning kept getting stalled.  I think I kept using Darren's lack of wanting to be super involved as a reason for me to keep holding off.  Or what we were each expecting just didn't mesh.  Or I wanted to make other people happy.  Ideas were thrown out there and there were certain ideas which stuck, but an actual date eluded us.

Then, I got pregnant.  I don't feel one must be married to have a kiddo, but I did want to be married, and wow, the pressure from my parentals increased big time.  At first, I was still resisting.  It would happen when it would happen.  The way we had been going, um, that hadn't really worked for us.  So yes, we were going to get married, now it was a matter of before or after.  Well, D's parents would be out of state for a couple months so it's either January or April.

I already had a dress.  I still fit into the dress at 3+ months preggo, but if we waited until D's parents returned, um, I would no longer be fitting into the dress.  This wasn't necessarily the perfect dress (I bought it on-line during one of J Crew's sales, thanks T!), but the dress wasn't a really big issue to me (remember, I did not have a dream wedding in mind).  It was a really beautiful classic style, it fit well enough, well at least it had ~2 years ago.  :)  I didn't want to have to buy another dress.

Okay then, lets have the wedding in January, there are a couple weekends we know all our family will be available.  Narrow that down to 1.  Oh, and let's invite some of our close friends.

Now, the ceremony.  It's cold and wet outside in January, should probably be done indoors for everyone's sake.  We have two friends who can officiate ceremonies.  If neither of them work out, we've got a back-up option.

Location.  Indoors, can accommodate a ceremony and dinner, or we have the ceremony at Darren's parent's house and find a place for dinner.  Right now it's about a week and a half from our chosen wedding date.  No pressure.  Ray's Boathouse was mentioned, but kinda shelved because they charge a big fee if you have the ceremony on-site.  I contacted a random Italian restaurant on the east side which would work if we end up having the ceremony at D's parents place.  I contact Snoqulimie Lodge because it would be a cool location and memorable.  One of their smaller rooms is available and they're willing to work with us.  We end up contacting Ray's as it's one of our favorite restaurants and much more us.  The location is available and they're willing to lower the ceremony fee since we're going super simple (I don't need an hour long rehearsal, aisle runner, bottle of champagne, etc).  Contract is signed 1 week before our wedding!

Now it's a matter of officially inviting our friends and family, officially asking our friend to officiate, and taking care of some other small details.

My lovely girl friends arranged mani/pedi's (HOA on Roosevelt has a group room) a couple nights before the wedding and for all of us to get our hair done (Gary Manuel Aveda Institute rocks!) the morning of the wedding.  If anyone needs their hair done for a special occasion the students do an awesome job for an amazing price!

The evening ended up being about as perfect as I could have hoped (will be a separate entry).  Now that we're officially Mr. and Mrs, all we need to worry about it planning a kick-ass party!  Can't wait.